About a Recent Post

About a week ago I made a post venting my feelings about certain situations and things that have happened in my family. If you want to confront someone about it, confront ME, I'm the one that wrote it, I'm the one that has those feelings, get upset with me. However, I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR MY FEELINGS!! I honestly don't feel that I should, there were MY FEELINGS and PERSONAL perceptions and views of how things have been. People have been mad over what I wrote and I cannot blame them I know it was written harshly, but did it make you even think or consider how I feel, or just get pissed at me? Haven't you ever said things that you felt, but didn't say them in the most appropriate way? That you spoke before you truly thought about it? If you never have I commend you, I however have not gotten to that point in my progression. It was a venting session of raw emotions. I feel strongly and experience in my life has shown for me personally that I NEED vent sessions of those raw emotions because I am better able to acknowledge them and work my way through them and over them. If I don't then they get pushed deep inside me and then I justify that I really didn't have those types of feelings, but later they come up, so why not deal with them when they are first there? I hope that it has made some people think. I want to make my blog real, not some sugar-coated, peachie keen thing, because life is not that way and I cannot and will not promise not to write my feelings again on this blog. I could make it private, so only the few that I give access to can view it? So, I may take that into consideration. And people are right that I could have gone about it a different way, but do you want me to vent to your face? And to be honest I have never felt comfortable expressing my thoughts, feelings, viewpoints to family members and a whole nother issue of feelings that I will not go into. No, not that I'm aware of have ever done what I did, but they are not me and I'm not them and I need to stop comparing myself to others and to be what others want me to be, I want to be accepted for who I am and for people to truly get to know what I am and not try to make me into the person they want me to be and act like they want me to act, feel what they want me to feel and do what they want me to do. I have covered up for WAY to long. I need to be myself, but I can learn to be better as well and I hope others will learn as well. It has happened, its posted, it has been read, there is nothing that can be done to change it (I was told this concerning another past incident), but what I'm writing now and to learn and change things in the future. I honestly just feel that I couldn't vent face to face. I cried on Shane about it and just felt writing it would help me too. So much stuff came up as I was writing the post that is why I needed to deal with the raw emotion. I didn't do the things that I felt like doing, I knew they were irrational and uncalled for, but when you are so hurt by those you feel should love and accept you for WHO you truly are, then that is what came out initially. I may get yelled at again for this post because...because people reading it will know what I'm talking about, because they don't want it on here, but I'm 29years-old! I thought I should write an additive and post it.

Brotherly Love

I know that I have mentioned this before in other blog post, but I'm going to blog about it again because I think it cute. Declan LOVES his brother. Corin was the first one to make Declan laugh, his face lights up and gets all excited when he sees Corin and when I tell Declan we are going to pick Corin up from school he gets a big smile on his face. Declan loves to be around Corin and Corin has started "playing" with Declan. He'll lay on the floor next to him and Declan will get all excited and start "hitting" him. Its so cute to see Declan's face light up when Corin is next to him. Sometimes though Corin does get rough or lay on Declan, but we are always learning. I honestly hope that this sibling affection will continue on thoughout their lives, that they will be close and that I can be a good parent in helping cultivate and keep those relationships strong and close. I know there will come those time when Corin doesn't want his little brother to hang around him and his friends, but hope its a phase and also through that he'll want to hang out with his little brother. Just the issues that I have with my own brother currently has really made me think about how I want my boys to be and what things I need to do as their mother to make those relationships and have a close family bond since I don't have that with my siblings; we aren't close nor really talk to each other or tell each other anything about a major event that we are taking in our lives. I do hope though, that when something major is going to happen in mine and my family's life that I will call my siblings, just as the common courtesy to let them know, but I can't say it will go the other way (well, there is evidence of that.) Are we not close because I'm the sister and not brother. I think Adam and Austin are close, I know Austin looks up to Adam. Still, if we have a girl that the relationship between my boys and her are close as well as between them. (I think I've used that word far to many times, oh well) Okay, I'm done with that topic. Just funny how something personal and in this case with siblings can make you think about how you want you want it to be different for your own kiddos.

I decided to just post all the pictures I have of them playing, redundant, but oh well. (12/13 & 12/9)

For Safe Keeping

This is where Corin hung Seamus when he went potty and than used him as a handle to pull the door closed all the way. He is one well loved bear.

Preschool Christmas Party

Today was Corin's late day of Preschool til the new year and they had a Christmas Party. They sang Jingle Bells for the parents and danced to Rudolph. Corin didn't sing, just stood there shaking his jingle bells, but had fun dancing to Rudolph. His class friend Austin dropped his jingle bell during Rudolph and than ran off and Corin ran after him to give back his bell, it was cute and funny, what a caring friend Corin is to make sure his friend has his bells.
I was very sad I didn't get good pictures of the song and dance, but I got some video, so that will have to do even though it won't post. Guess I have it for posterity sake.

After the song and dance they got to decorate sugar cookies. Corin decorated some of his cookie quickly than was onto eating the frosting off the popsicle stick they were using to spread.

Than he decided to eat his cookie.

Venting Frustration

DISCLAIMER:

If you don't want to hear my venting than don't read this post, I HAD to write down my feelings! It's not very coherent or in any well organized manner, just thoughts that came up as I sat to write them.

So, Saturday my parents come over, it was suppose to be just my dad dropping off a recipe to me, but mom came too because they were going out to get a Christmas tree. They come in and say to each other "should we tell her?" I'm thinking just say it instead of making comments back and forth on who should tell me, I am 29 years old! They say, "Adam left for the Military on Monday." WHAT?!?!? Well, I start going off about how come he didn't tell me, he could of called and later on thinking why didn't they call me earlier to tell me. My voice was trembling because I was SO angry, and EXTREMELY upset about it. What a JERK!! What made me more angry was that they kept defending him and wouldn't even aknowledge MY feelings of hurt, I feel that I have every right to be upset at him and yes, I still am!! They said "He didn't tell a lot of people" SO? was my thought and my mom said "He's 25 years old he can do what he wants." YES, I know he is an adult and can do what he wants, but that doesn't mean that I'm not his sister anymore and that he could do me the common courtesy and just call, JUST CALL and let me know! ALSO, WHAT ABOUT HIS NEPHEWS?? I made a comment to my mom, that I totally mean, "Well, he never came over to see his nephews!" and it is SO true. I honestly, don't feel that he even likes them. He would get SO angry at Corin. Yes, Corin is an active child, I know that!! Also, Thanksgiving he didn't even aknowledge that they were there. He never wanted to play with them or even talk with Shane and I because he was too interested in talking with the Sarbins. And since I'm on a vent fest, I'm going to address Thanksgiving. When we were kids, we could get together with close friends to spend the holidays with since we never traveled to visit family, none were close or traveled to see us. It was fine then, but my personally option now is that since there are now grandkids, even if its just mine, that we should just spend it together as extended family since we are close. Well, my mom still has has people over AND she seems to do whatever the boys want, and NOT listen to what I would want. So, Adam wanted the Sarbins over for Thanksgiving and that is what she did, invited them over (the sister missionaries were over to and I'm totally fine with them, that is different) I sent her a text prior to Tanksgiving asking if it could just be family and I got NO response!! What was up with that? Why couldn't my opinion be considered and listened to? Adam already spents TONS of time with the Sarbins anway, he can give up a holiday to spend with family!! I feel so much less in my mother's eyes, that since Adam went on a mission he is better than I am. She wrote me a letter once and a sentence that always sticks out in my mind is "If you went on a mission I would have missed you just as much" (or something to that effect), I WASN'T SUPPOSE TO GO ON A MISSION, THAT WAS THE ANSWER I WAS GIVEN BY THE LORD!!! All I feel she cares about is getting grandchildren. Our family relationships SUCK! I am not close with my brothers and some of it I feel stems from not doing many things together just as a family, ALWAYS we were with others during the holidays! To build those relationships it will take time and a lot of time has gone by for the building them, but we could try to start now, but NOPE that's not going to happen. I know my brothers don't like hanging out with Shane or I because in their eyes we boring, we don't like the same things, movies etc, but REALLY we could find a common ground like playing games or something, but my mom doesn't like games so she won't play! They rather hang out with their friends instead and I feel they consider their friends more family than thier own family members, well mainly me because Austin is close to Adam, so I'm left in the dust feeling like crap because I am unloved by my brothers and haven't done anything of major significance, (well at least I feel in my mother's eyes, I feel differently) in my life! Its a terrible feeling of anger, hurt and sadness that you're own brother wouldn't tell you that he was leaving, a simple phone call would have been just fine, and that he would rather tell everyone else but me, his own sister, but than again I think he doesn't even aknowledge he has a sister. Right now I am SO angry that I want to be vendicitive, I want to erase his phone number off my phone, (its probably closed anyway so that doesn't matter) the few pictures I have of him with my boys to rip them up, burn them, get rid of them to make it as though he doesn't exsist in our lives, because he never really was a part of the boys lives, he always was TOO busy to call and come over to spend time with them. All I asked was that he called first for when he wanted to came over, I wasn't going to call to making him come over, it had to be his decision and I know were they went, to his friends only. Oh, and WHY is the ONLY information I get from my parents was that he left, they didn't say ANYTHING else!! I made a post on facebook about it and I got quite a few comments on it. Christina Carney, a HS friend of Adam's and I went to HS with her too said basically that I wasn't looking at the other side of the story. I replied that I didn't know any other side because NOBODY would tell me ANYTHING!! I asked her what the other side was and she said that it was a family issue and that she made a promise! Well, like I have said before that he thought of friends before family. I am not asking for anything else but the common courtesy of being told by him and also NOT a week later by my parents. I know its over and done with, but I feel I should get an explanation as to wny I was treated like CRAP and WHY ADAM doesn't like his nephews!!

Trying New Things

Lately I have been terrible about blogging and really not sure why. So, I have caught up a bit, mainly just posting pictures on the date they were taken if you are interested at all in looking at them. However, I thought for at least this post I'd combine a few things together. I have been trying new things with Declan, some successful and others not so much.

11/07: The Mess Teether
I tried Declan on the mess teether today. Corin loved these when he was little. So I put a piece of frozen mango in it Declan just thought it was fun to have it and wack it He started by chewing on the hard plastic handle, but then I helped him get it situated and the mess with the mango into his mouth At first he didn't like i so well and I have found out that he doesn't like cold things. Once we thawed it out and he got the hang of it he enjoyed it fairly well, but still not his favorite thing to chew on.

11/27:

Another successful day with the mess teether. I have started giving him one with a piece of mango (that I have microwaved for about 10sec to thaw) after a meal. He now has been enjoying having it. After Thanksgiving I started him on 3 meals of food. He'll still have a late afternoon bottle and sometimes a small bottle after a meal and other times a bigger one because he has just not been in the mood to eat; it varies from day to day on what his meal time mood will be

11/28: The Sippy Cup

So, I thought I'd try the sippy cup today and it didn't go over so well, but than again I guess it depends on who you ask. Me, it didn't get used the way it is suppose to be use and he didn't drink out of it. Declan on the other hand did have fun with it doing his usual wacking (I found a great toy for him at Walmart on Black Friday that I think he'll enjoy wacking)and chewing on the spout.Speaking of chewing today, he thought it would be fun to chew on his toes. He hasn't done it much prior or since, but it was fun this day. Only on occasion does he play with his toes, but does seem to like them better when they are naked.

12/2: Celery

When I was picking Corin up from Preschool on day I was talking to another mother about teething. She said that her son (youngest who is 3month older than Declan) loved to chew on celery sticks. She would just cut him a big chunk and give it to him (she doesn't anymore because he now has enough teeth to completely bite through) So, I thought I'd give it a try with Declan. It came up because I had brought in with his mess teether that had some small pieces of celery in it because I was cutting it up before I left to get Corin and thought I'd try something different in the mess teether He likes the mess teethers with fruit pieces in it, but sometimes I think he doesn't because of the texture of the mess since he wasn't really chewing on the teether with the celery in it since it doesn't get the mess all favored like the mango does, so big pieces of celery sticks would eliminate that problem.He absolutely LOVED the celery stick!! No initial weird face, just pure delight!

12/4: Puffs

Our new thing to try this day was puffs and freeze-dried fruits. He did a fairly decent job in picking them up and getting them into his mouth. Some, as expected did miss his hands and mouth. It was funny to watch him try and get them because he would get his face really close to the high chair tray and as in this picture examine the puff.

As for getting them down and enjoying them, not so much. He swallowed them whole and than would cough. After that he would put them in his mouth and then push them out with his tongue.

He also has been having issues with the 3rd baby foods. He doesn't seem to like the chunks in it and will as well cough or push them out with is tongue. He rather stay with the smooth consistancies of the 2nd foods. But we keep trying and he is getting a bit better at the baby foods. His favorite is the Spagetti.

I just started putting him in 9month clothing (today he is 9months!). I may have been able to do it a bit earlier, but not too much (maybe by a month). I didn't because his 6month were still fitting fine, the pants started to look a bit short, but nothing extreme in telling that he was growing out of them. The shirt onesies were fitting perfectly and so do most of his pjs. The 6-9months clothes are fitting perfectly...well some pants are a little big, but not falling off when you pick them up.

Lets see..what else has Declan been doing that I have neglected to blog about....oh, he scoots on his bum, its slow and steady. He's not going extreme distances yet, just short and enough to get what he wants. I am also amazed at how far he can stretch himself while still sitting on his bum and still be able to sit back up. We do have the occasional fall overs because it is just a bit too far. He recently has been loving to sit in the small bathroom that is off of our kitchen. The floor is pergo, so it is easier to slide on. He has been saying da-da a lot lately and being very opinionated and vocal, when he wants to be. Just recently he has been adding de to da-da. Once I get a good video of him talking I'll post it. I tried to get one of him scooting, but on the video you couldn't really tell that he was moving so that will have to wait. Also, every time I pull out the camera to get a video he stops so that contributes to the non-useful videos to post.

Declan and the Christmas Tree

I sat Declan by the Christmas tree while we waited for Corin to finish his shower.

Of course he was fascinated by the ornaments hanging down and wanted to pull them off

so he could taste them

mmmm....yummy tasty!!